Weight Check!

So little C had a weight check today at the doctors. Last Tuesday he was 7lb 4ozs. Today he was 7lbs 12 ozs, so he had a weight gain of 8 ozs in one week!!! Hooray for mommy's milk and growing boys!!!! We go back in about 4 weeks for a well baby check up!!! So I guess since he is gaining and gaining well I'll stick with the breastfeeding, even though my right nip is so sore!!! I just need to get a good latch on that side for a couple feedings in a row and I think it will heal it up!!! Problem is the little stinker latches wall all day long but then he gets lazy at night and that one bad latch starts the pain all over again!!!! Speaking of little mister stinker pants.....I can't believe he was 3 weeks old yesterday!!! Here are some pictures I snapped of him this morning before we headed out the door!!! Him in his little pumpkin outfit his Aunty Michelle got him!!!






He's clingy but I live that little peanut!!! OK enjoy the rest of your day!!!

~~Later

Weigh In

So we had an appointment this morning for a wight check and my little man gain about 7ozs!!! He is up to 7lbs 4 ozs....just 2 ozs shy of his birth weight!!! I'm so happy he is gain and growing well!!! I *thought* he had gained some because he was pooping more and his diapers were feeling snugger, but I didn't want to get my hopes up and then be disappointed!!! But I'm so happy that mommy's milk is working...even though it is wearing me out and get's on my nerves some!!! I guess we will stick with it and just take it one day at a time, I know that eventually it will get better and be easier and I will be so happy I stuck with it, I guess I'm just getting annoyed that it's so hard....because even though it's been hard the last 3 times....it was so easy with my first. At least I think it was since I stuck with it for 3 months......maybe it just seemed easier since she was an only child!!!! I also just get discouraged when he won't sleep.......I'm so use to all my kids just eating quick and then sleeping for 3 hours in the swing, getting up to eat again real quick and then going right back to sleep. Little Mister CJ likes to hand out on mommy for hours on end.....like today he literally nursed non stop from Noon till 2PM. Only stopping for like a minute or two for me to change a poopy diaper....and it was me stopping it not him and he cried the entire time!!! I finally stopped him, wrapped him in his blanket and stuck a bink in his mouth.......I mean I needed to get dinner started and I can't do that with a baby on my b.o.o.b!!!! So I'm just gonna take it day by day......and we'll see where we end up!!! But for know he's gaining and growing and I'm happy.....we go back next Tuesday for another weight check....since he's not quite at his birth weight!!!

In other news my sister called me this morning to let me know she is expecting again!!!I'll be an aunt again early next June.....YEA!!!! Have a great day!!!

~~later

Failure

that's what I feel like!! A big fat effing FAILURE!!!!! A loser, a bad mother, broken, malfunctioning, selfish and the list goes on and on!! So if you can't tell our weight check went just wonderfully this morning.........NOT!!!! Although he didn't lose any weight.....he didn't gain any either in 4 days!!! I'm just devastated.....I'm heartbroken, for some reason I can't even figure out how to feed my kid!!! I want nothing more then to just feed this baby and for some reason I'm failing at that!!! I sit here in this damn chair all day long nursing this baby, neglecting my house, my other kids, my hubby and my self and for WHAT!?!?!? NOTHING........ it's like wasted time.....wasted energy!!! I'm not sure how much longer I can take this......I don't know how much more of myself I can pour into breastfeeding this baby. I'm driving myself mad....I'm worrying my hubby and I'm basically almost starving my child. I need to just give myself permission to quit.....to put him on formula and get over it!! To tell myself it's not worth the guilt, all of the other 4 kids THRIVED on formula!!! I was just hoping so much that THIS time would be different, that I was giving this one last chance to make it work, to get it right, to succeed!!! I'm sitting barley able to see the keys throw my tears....is it even worth all this heartache and despair??? Am I being ridiculous??