Feeding report

So my baby sleeps to much at night!!! He went to bed last night at (well stopped nursing) 8:30PM and I set my alarm to wake him up at 1AM to nurse. He "nursed" from 1:08 to 1:23AM and then 1:30 to 1:40AM and I had to wake him back up at 6:40AM to eat!! That's way to long for a 12 day old baby who only weighs 6lbs 13 ozs to sleep without eating!!!! So I just have to suck it up and set my alarm to get up and feed him or he will never gain weight!!! So tonight he stopped nursing at 8:50PM so I think I'll wake him up at 1Am and 4AM to eat. Hopefully he'll nurse and go right back to sleep!!

He also got 3 ozs of formula yesterday and 3.5 ozs today, not by bottle but by syringe. Quite a bit of it comes dribbling out but I'm hoping some is making it down the hatch!! He sis poop twice today, that's great considering he's only actually pooped 2 times since we have been home (11 days). Maybe we have passed the bumps in the road and thingas are going to start looking up now...I can only hope!!!!

In other news I scrapped today....spent his one and only long nap scrapping instead of cleaning and it felt good, even if I don't LOVE the page....it's a start and I hope to start scrapping a bit everyday......lord knows I need too, I have about 10 CT kits to catch up on *lol* OK I'm going to go spend a few minutes checking out my facebook updates then I'm going to try and catch a few Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz's before I get the babe up to eat!!! Have a great night!!!

~~Later

Failure

that's what I feel like!! A big fat effing FAILURE!!!!! A loser, a bad mother, broken, malfunctioning, selfish and the list goes on and on!! So if you can't tell our weight check went just wonderfully this morning.........NOT!!!! Although he didn't lose any weight.....he didn't gain any either in 4 days!!! I'm just devastated.....I'm heartbroken, for some reason I can't even figure out how to feed my kid!!! I want nothing more then to just feed this baby and for some reason I'm failing at that!!! I sit here in this damn chair all day long nursing this baby, neglecting my house, my other kids, my hubby and my self and for WHAT!?!?!? NOTHING........ it's like wasted time.....wasted energy!!! I'm not sure how much longer I can take this......I don't know how much more of myself I can pour into breastfeeding this baby. I'm driving myself mad....I'm worrying my hubby and I'm basically almost starving my child. I need to just give myself permission to quit.....to put him on formula and get over it!! To tell myself it's not worth the guilt, all of the other 4 kids THRIVED on formula!!! I was just hoping so much that THIS time would be different, that I was giving this one last chance to make it work, to get it right, to succeed!!! I'm sitting barley able to see the keys throw my tears....is it even worth all this heartache and despair??? Am I being ridiculous??